RagingTantrum.com

Fight against socialism today with a Blue Advantage health insurance plan from some company we haven’t heard of. That’s right! Fight back against those liberal socialist democrats and their Red plans. What better way to protest their communist fascist pinko schemes than by embracing a blue plan? Blue is one of the most important colors in the world, you know. Not to mention it is the color of a true patriot.

Have I got some good news for you today, ladies and gentlemen! You are never gonna believe it… that’s right, now you can get your own promotional pens! That is correct… your ears are not playing tricks on you. This truly is a day you have no doubt dreamed about since you were a wee little lad. That is what we do here– we make dreams come true.

Get a clue, man, and stop giving everybody the same exact present every single year. Eventually they figure it out, you know? Especially when everybody is opening presents together over Christmas. Instead, you have to give personalized gifts. Heard of those? They are the way to go, the wave of the future even, unless you want everyone you know to hate you, in which case you should carry on as you were.

We always thought that if you don’t have anything else to live for, you might as well spend your days swinging blissfully away, on wood swing sets perhaps, or a fairy swing set.  Really the type of swing set is less important than the functionality.  And a good litmus test of swing set functionality is this: does it swing?  If the answer is yes, you can rest assured that your swing swings.

Wow, boys and girls, have you ever heard of Designers Fountain Lighting? Neither have we, but we are absolutely in love with the phrase. It’s so elegant and sophisticated-sounding, you know? Like a combination of a fountain, cool lights or lightning (if you misread it as we did), and like, cake. At least that is what we thought. And you don’t come across a combo like that every day.

Yes, builders of buildings, sure you could take a chance and make your buildings out of wood or feathers or sand… but why WOULD you when you can make steel buildings? It just does not make any sense, you know? Why would you insist on building with chicken feathers and sand when you don’t have to? Kids these days…

So the million dollar question is this: how can you have the things that you want AND keep your money? Well, purchasing exclusively wholesale apparel can go a long ways towards this seemingly impossible goal.

That’s all we have, actually. You will have to figure out the rest of the steps. But by all means, if you ever figure it out, please let us know!

So if you are anything like us, you absolutely hate leaving your house. Hell, you absolutely hate leaving your computer. There is nothing worse than direct sunlight, you know? For years, people like us have been forced to suffer the persecution of attending school. But now, Online Schooling is a legitimate option! Never again will you be forced to venture into the sunlight for your “education.”

Breaking news, ladies and gentlemen! You no longer have to sit on a rock like a cave man. That’s right– now YOU can enjoy modern furniture like you are royalty or something. How cool is that? Welcome to the future! As if that was not enough to rock your world, we have some other news that will totally change the way you view everything.  But you will have to stay tuned, because we aren’t going to tell you yet.  Come back this time next week!

You want to know one of the most useful secrets in life? You need to get people personalized gifts instead of just buying everyone you know the exact same present every year. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe what a difference it can make. And that is why we are so successful at life– that type of insight and wisdom is hardly common! And this concludes our Glenn Beck imitation hour.