Upon reading a given column by Ann Coulter, a thinking person is left with a number of questions. The most pressing, of course: “Is she serious?” This is not a rhetorical question– it’s a legitimate mystery. Clearly, the woman can write. She’s a lawyer, an author, and a political commentator. Her writing style is effective– fast paced and strangely absorbing. She’s a master of her craft.

Which makes it even more confusing. Because, as you know if you’ve ever read a Coulter column, by the time you finish with it her style is the last thing on your mind. More likely, your head is ringing from the sheer stupidity of her arguments.

For instance, her post 9/11 foreign policy: “We should invade [middle eastern] countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity.” [Syndicated column, 9/12/01].

Her thoughts on female voters:

“If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen… The Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and ‘We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?’” [October 2007, Interview with The New York Observer]

She’s a shrill, screaming weasel. She’s cornered the market on misguided outbursts, and in the age of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore, that’s no easy feat. She’s the literary equivalent of a tirading, temper-tantruming three-year-old at a dinner party, and her parents are too overwhelmed to deal with her.

Clearly we have a paradox. How can one be so talented and yet so painfully misguided? We find this quote to be very enlightening:

She says: “The swing voters — I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don’t have set philosophical principles. You’re either a liberal or you’re a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster.” [Fox's Beyond The News, 6/4/2000].

Really, Ann? What about, say, a voter who is pro-life and concerned about the environment? Or a voter who believes we should not be in Iraq, but also favors economic deregulation? Or someone who believes that in a country as successful as ours, no child should go without health care– but at the same time doesn’t want to reward people simply for being unemployed?

Idiots, according to Coulter.

Got some time to kill? Flip on MTV! What could be better than spending an afternoon watching graduated high schoolers re-enact some lame prank from their senior year? If that doesn’t appeal to you, flip up to MTV2 to watch an all-star cast of reality TV retreads demonstrating their talent for useless activities. (Reality TV stars: they may not be able to read and write, but if you need someone to rapidly dig gold coins out of a mud bath, give them a call!)

The average American spends a stunning 4 hours and 45 minutes per day watching TV. Since there’s a finite number of waking hours in a day, these hours are coming at the expense of other more boring activities such as “time with family and friends”, “reading”, or “sports and recreation”. Take a look at these stats courtesy of CSUN.edu:

• Number of minutes per week that the average child watches television: 1,680
• Number of minutes per week that parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children: 38
• Percentage of 4-6 year-olds who, when asked to choose between watching TV
  and spending time with their fathers, preferred television: 54
• Hours per year the average American youth spends in school: 900 hours
• Hours per year the average American youth watches television: 1500

Now obviously not all TV is bad.  There are plenty of educational, thought-provoking programs.  And watching the occasional mindless program isn’t a big deal. But on MTV, ALL of the programming is mindless at best.  Much of it is downright brain-rotting.  Watching well-dressed, physically attractive reality stars throw temper tantrums and bicker like 6-year old’s sends the message that not only is such behavior ok, but it’s what “the cool kids do”.  Unfortunately, that’s not how the real world works.

SEOUL (AFP) — A triumphant North Korea on Tuesday broadcast footage of its controversial rocket launch as state press reported Kim Jong-Il wept tears of regret that the money it cost could not have been used to help his people.

I’m sure ol’ Kimmy was all broken up at the prospect of depriving his citizens of a potential quality of life increase.  No doubt he was similarly distressed after building each of his 17 palaces.

Also, speaking of wasted money that could have helped his people, did you know that Kim Jong-Il is an avid golfer?  Apparently averages 3-4 holes-in-one per round… according to North Korean State Media (who also attribute six full-length operas to the multi-talented dictator.)

All of this is according to his Wikipedia entry, which has another indicator of Il’s thrift:

The BBC reported that Konstantin Pulikovsky, a Russian emissary who traveled with Kim across Russia by train, told reporters that Kim had live lobsters air-lifted to the train every day, which he ate with silver chopsticks.

Sounds like a great guy!

Here are seven good reasons I’m a registered Independent (and you should be too!):

1.)  Because my views span the political spectrum.  For instance, I’m personally very concerned about the environment, for obvious reasons– I want my kids to have a planet to live on! I believe that, economically speaking, less government interference is generally better. I’m pro-life and also pro-welfare– but I think that the system needs some serious tweaking.  Welfare should only help those who legitimately CAN’T help themselves, or people that ARE working and need temporary assistance.  I don’t find these views contradictory.

2.)  Because I enjoy being wanted.  You know it’s true… you hear it every election cycle:  “He’s got to win the swing voters”.  If you’re a registered party member, your candidate takes you for granted.  It’s just like when you’ve been dating someone for too long and you don’t appreciate them as much as you used to.  Well, lovers of the GOP and DNC– your significant other DEFINITELY takes you for granted.  Dump him and see how hard he works to get you back.

3.)  Because Ann Coulter says that “swing voters” are “idiot voters”.  If Ann says it, you know it CAN’T be true.  Her statement alone should be enough to show you the light.

4.)  Because I’m TRULY pro-life.  That’s right, I’m against abortion.  I’m also opposed to unnecessary war and the death penalty.

5.)  Because being a party “member” implies unconditional support.  If you’re a registered republican, guess what:  I’m going to assume you’re a ‘Dubya’ lover until you convince me otherwise.  As an independent, you don’t get stuck having to defend crappy politicians.

6.)  Because the more independents there are, the more likely it is that a third party will emerge as a serious player.  It’s simple math.  More independents=less major party members=less ground for a third party to make up– and more potential supporters.

7.)  Because both parties have failed.  The GOP has run the country into the ground recently, but the Democrats have been along for the ride.  BOTH PARTIES deserve a large share of the blame for our current situation.  Neither one of them deserves our support.  Instead, we should toss out the trash and look for real leaders to make our country great again.

It has nothing to do with Rush’s conservative ideology.

It’s absurd to suggest, as Limbaugh has, that the league is run by “leftists” and “liberals.”

The NFL is run by one thing: Money.  The League offers a superior product and occupies a unique niche in the marketplace.  They’re making money hand over fist right now, and they’d be crazy to jeaprodize it.  Limbaugh would do that.  He spends 15 hours per week flirting with the line seperating ridiculous from downright offensive.

Why would the NFL want anything to do with him?

It’s not Rush’s conservatism that foiled his bid, it’s the way he talks about his conservatism.  That’s all there is to it.

Excerpt:

I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve.

But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.

And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a good writer — maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper — but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor — maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine — but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a senator or a Supreme Court justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life — I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.

And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.

Karl Marx would be proud!