Month in Review: April 2009
Another month, another threat to the existence of the human race. As if a global economic crisis wasn’t enough, now we’re dealing with pirates, North Korean nuclear tests, and of course swine flu.
Competition for the coveted “Worst Person of the Month” award was stiff, and many candidates that would have had a shot in other months didn’t even warrant serious consideration in April. Without any further ado, here are the highs and lows from this past month as we saw them:
Morons of the Month:
The Teabaggers. Well, 95% of them at least. The Teabaggers that didn’t vote for George W. Bush in 2004 are given a pass.
Those of you that supported Bush while he ran up an unprecedented debt only to rediscover your belief in fiscal responsibility just three short months after he left office– sorry, you guys are idiots.
Whoever authorized the NYC flyover. Seriously, of all the dumb photo op possibilities, flying a 747 around Manhattan at extremely low altitudes takes the cake. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Glenn Beck. His show can be entertaining at times, but lately he’s pushed the envelope much too far. You can’t do stuff like this and expect to be taken seriously:
Heroic Heroes of the Month:
Captain Phillips and his Navy SEAL rescuers. Heroism all around in this story. Phillips displayed courage and selflessness by trading himself for his crew. The SEALS executed a difficult rescue perfectly.
Shepard Smith. We’re not fans of FOXNews, but Shepard Smith deserves kudos for emphatically defending America’s ideals on a network that seems to believe that the ends always justify the means. Watch:
Ben Gordon. The Boston Celtics and Chicago Bulls just finished one of the greatest NBA playoff series ever. 4 of the 7 games went into overtime. Chicago’s Ben Gordon, in particular, kept hitting impossible shots at critical times to keep the Bulls alive. This was a classic example:
Adventures in Foreign Policy (At Least They Haven’t Nuked Us Yet):
They may not have nuked us… but Cuban authorities did poison American family dogs. Read this:
[A state department] report says the apparent goal of Cuban authorities has been to provoke dissension within the ranks of American diplomats.
“Retaliations have ranged from the petty to the poisoning of family pets. The regime has recently gone to great lengths to harass some employees by holding up household goods and consumable shipments,” the report said.
It says Cuban authorities created difficulties for U.S. personnel on a daily basis.
“The Cuban government has denied recent arrivals the right to import privately owned vehicles and held up the release of household effects and consumable shipments for months on end,” the report said.
Now THAT is a low blow.
Thanks For Making Us Forget About Our Collapsing Economy:
Thank you, Chicago Bulls and Boston Celtics, for one of the most entertaining playoff series of all time. Bill Simmons has more.
We don’t like Keith Olbermann, but this was hilarious:
Annoying Trend of the Month:
The media coverage of the Swine Flu “outbreak.” Did you know that over 13,000 people have died from the regular flu in the US so far in 2009? Adds some context, doesn’t it?
RagingTantrum’s “Worst Person of the Month” Award goes to:
Two winners this month. Perez Hilton for this, and Michelle Bachmann for this:
What The Hell Was That??
You don’t see this every day:
Prophets or Frauds? Scoring Last Month’s Predictions:
Last month we predicted the following:
- The Detroit Lions will not draft Matthew Stafford #1 overall, as many are predicting. They’ll draft Aaron Curry or possibly trade the pick for Jay Cutler.
- North Korea won’t launch their missile.
- Gas prices will rise, averaging above $2.50 per gallon by May 1.
- That’s okay, because the Dow is DEFINITELY going to be back above 8200 by the end of the month.
Matthew Stafford DID get picked number 1, North Korea DID launch their missile, and gas prices DID NOT rise– but the Dow was right around 8200 at the end of the month and is now around 8350.
Score: One right, three wrong.
Fearless Predictions For the Month Ahead:
- By the end of the month, we’ll have forgotten all about the swine flu.
- The NBA finals will come down to Cleveland versus the LA Lakers.
- Joe Biden will spend the month in an undisclosed location, possibly wearing a muzzle.